I read a blog post today asking what you would do if you had only one month left to blog and was surprised by how quickly that simple thought narrowed my writing focus.
I’ve mentioned before that I want to use this blog to make much of Jesus. But the truth is that I still hold back a lot. I worry about revealing too much about myself in such a public forum. Or about being transparent to people that may be unkind and judgmental.
The result is that I end up not talking about ways that God is working in my life. For example, lately I’ve felt like God has allowed the enemy a little extra access to me and my family. During the last few months, my husband, my son, and I have all gone through several rounds of illness, including a hospital stay for my son. During all the sickness and feelings of so-help-me-God-if-we-need-to-go-to-the-pharmacy-for-another-round-of-antibiotics, I’ve been working through loneliness (where did all my friends go?), major disappointment in people, feeling like I’m useless or invisible or just plain ugly, and never-ending anxiety that something will happen to my son.
But God is working in my life. Instead of allowing me to sit and examine my sadness, disappointments, and hurt feelings all day, He reminds me that the enemy sets traps for me to oppress me and to damage my testimony. The enemy is a liar and more than happy to let me believe that people are the cause of my misery. God reminds me that I need to ask Him to reveal the traps that the enemy sets for me so that I will know that I am not at war with other people.
I’m also reminded that the enemy will not win if I resist him and submit to God. So I’ve been working on submitting my emotions and thoughts to truth that He reveals in the Bible. And that’s where it gets really tough. Because just because I know that I need to forgive or persevere or whatever the lesson-of-the-day is doesn’t mean it’s easy. It’s possible, because everything is possible with God, but it ain’t easy.
So it’s difficult sometimes to make much of Jesus by being transparent and just laying it all out there, even when laying it all out there also means telling all about God and His work in my life. And I recognize that this internal struggle is another work of the enemy. The enemy has held me back from bragging on God, but he can stop gloating because my Abba Father is working in my life. And that’s worth blogging about.