An Announcement I Never Thought I’d Make Again

That’s right, we’re expecting Baby #3! Woohoo!

I found the idea for this pregnancy announcement on Pinterest and knew it was just right for us since I spent the entire nine months of both of my previous pregnancies throwing up (there I am in the background in case you didn’t notice).

The truth is that I did not have easy pregnancies (don’t believe me? read the posts listed here). In saying that I’m afraid that I’m going to seem insensitive to women that haven’t been able to get pregnant or carry a baby full-term. And I don’t mean to be insensitive, because I truly understand what a privilege it has been to carry and give birth to two beautiful amazing boys.

But at the same time, I feel strongly that I need to be honest about just how difficult it was so that other women that had similar pregnancies to mine know that they are not alone. Because it’s really sad and lonely to finally be pregnant with the baby you’ve been hoping and praying for, only to not enjoy the pregnancy like everyone around you expects you to. And I wanted to be happy! It’s just so hard when you’re throwing up every day and in pain every second and having lots of asthma attacks and breathing problems.

The last month of my last pregnancy was especially difficult because I had what was most likely bronchitis and/or pneumonia. We couldn’t determine which for sure because I couldn’t have an x-ray. I coughed constantly, and every cough felt like I was being stabbed in the abdomen due to my big beautiful baby sitting high up under what used to be my ab muscles.The pain was so bad and constant that I felt like I was going insane and would cry out of pain and frustration because there was nothing the doctors could do. I couldn’t care for my older son and often had to have my mother or mother-in-law stay with us to help out. It felt like I was living in a nightmare.

Throughout all of that, I declared, “This is it! No more babies! The factory is closed!” And since I was 37 when I had Cruz, that seemed likely.

But then, about a year ago, I started to have Thoughts. And Longings. I felt like a crazy person even thinking about getting pregnant again. I kept trying, unsuccessfully, to push those thoughts out of my mind. I finally mentioned those crazy thoughts to my husband so that he could declare that there would be no more babies from us, but the joke was on me because it turned out he really wanted another baby but thought that option was off the table.

So we talked and thought and prayed over the next couple of months. And I spent a lot of time thinking about how difficult my pregnancies were, and how difficult the newborn months are, and how tired I am all the time, and how I can forget about starting a business or any new endeavor like that for the next couple of years at least. And all of those thoughts really depressed me.

But something surprising happened. The more time that went on, the more I felt in my spirit that it was God’s will for me to be pregnant again. I know that may sound crazy to some people, and honestly, it felt a bit crazy to me too. But I just couldn’t get away from that feeling. When it came right down to it, I felt that refusing to even try to get pregnant would place me in direct disobedience to God, and that’s not a place that I want to ever be.

So we tried. I got pregnant with both Michael and Cruz during the first couple of months of trying, and we expected the same this time around. But it took about five months. I’m glad that God worked it out that way, because during those months of trying I realized that I really did want to get pregnant again. It gave me time to wrap my mind around the whole thing and to come to terms with the very real possibility of another difficult pregnancy. It was scary to think about, but I became so convinced that this was God’s will for our lives right now that I was also anxious to see what He had planned.

I finally conceived a few weeks after turning 39. I am now in the eighth week. We had our first ultrasound last week and saw our little baby and heard the heartbeat for the first time. We posted the announcement on Facebook a couple of days ago, something we didn’t do this early on with my last two pregnancies. I’m well aware that the chance of miscarriage is still high, and I’m praying that my little baby remains healthy and strong, but no matter how this turns out I know we’re where God wants us right now. I’ve been telling Michael that there’s a baby growing in my belly (Cruz is still too young to understand), and we’ve looked at pictures of how a fetus develops. It’s fun to see him starting to process all of that since all he understood about my last pregnancy was that it made me walk funny.

One more thing – everyone is asking me if we’re trying for a girl. I’m not gonna lie and say that hasn’t been a topic of conversation between me and Garrett, especially when we first talked about getting pregnant again. But before we even tried I knew that, boy or girl, there was another little person that God wanted us to try for. So it really isn’t about having a girl…it’s just about adding another little person to our family.

And it wouldn’t hurt my feelings any if you prayed for an easier pregnancy and healthy baby. 😉