The honeymoon is over. Gifts are unwrapped and thank you notes written. Garrett and I have transitioned from daydreaming about our future life together into a period of getting to know each other’s daily habits…and learning to live with those that we could do without. I have redirected my mental focus from wedding plans to homekeeping. Bride magazine has been replaced with Good Housekeeping and Real Simple. And, knowing me, you’ve probably guessed that I’ve bought numerous books about various aspects of marriage – The Excellent Wife, The First 90 Days of Marriage, and even The Act of Marriage. No area is safe from my research instinct.
You’d think with all of this going on (not to mention a full-time job), my mind would be too full to hold anything unworthy. But the devil never rests. While God has plans for my good, the enemy has plans for my unhappiness. In this case, he’s been placing unworthy thoughts in my head that lead to fear. Fear of losing Garrett to an accident or illness, or of causing him grief through my own accident or illness. Fear of lack of financial security. Fear that we will never have children. There have been times that I have truly felt a prisoner of fear.
It shouldn’t be this way! I’m still a newlywed and should be enjoying my husband, not imagining terrible things that may never happen. I prayed for rest from my anxiety and worry, and God came through. One day during Bible study I came across the following verse – “May the LORD grant that each of you will find rest in the home of another husband.” (Ruth 1:9) The context of this verse is that Naomi and her daughters-in-law all lost their husbands. Naomi speaks this blessing over them during their period of despair. What struck me about this was that it mirrored my desire to have rest in the newness of my marriage and proved to me that God desires this for me, as well. I looked for other verses that spoke about rest and came across Psalm 116:7 – “Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the LORD has been good to you.” I also like the translation of this verse in The Message Bible – “I said to myself, “Relax and rest. GOD has showered you with blessings”.
So, basically, God told me to just relax and chill out. Stop taking things so seriously. And I did! My soul moved from a state of tense awareness to a more mellow mode. I still have periods of worry and anxiety, but I’m now equipped with God’s word on the matter. I can now whisper to myself, “Relax and enjoy your blessings,” knowing that it is God’s will.
Last night at Bible study I was reminded that total freedom from worry and anxiety is possible. So I’m believing for God to set me free in this area. In the meantime, I am focusing on resting in the home of my dear, sweet, and cute-as-can-be husband.